A caffeinated affair

About 10 years ago I fell head-over-heels in love…with coffee. My parents have always been connoisseurs, drinking lattés in the morning and enjoying a “coffee break” together when my mom gets home from work. Once I graduated from high school, I joined them in their sophisticated ritual. I loved the bitter taste of espresso, the creamy frothiness of the milk, and how alert I felt all day.

My love affair continued during college where I was one of few people I knew who had a coffee pot in their room. Being somewhat nerdy, instead of being thrilled about the weekend’s hottest party, my friends and I would get excited about brewing up a pot of hazelnut or chocolate cherry.

When I started working, I couldn’t even think about starting my day without a cup—usually a grandé coffee from Starbucks purchased on my way to work. Honestly, I never even thought much about my coffee habit. All I knew is that I wanted—no, I needed—that cup every morning.



In February, my lovely fiancé, M, suggested that we give up coffee. We’ve been slowly trying to clean up our life, including our diet, the air we breathe, and the chemicals we come into contact with. Neither of us like the idea of “needing” a drug—be it prescription or otherwise—to function on a daily basis.

We transitioned with tea. It was a really hard switch for me. I whined. I begged. I lovingly lifted the lids of the bulk barrels of coffee in Whole Foods just to get a whiff of the delicious scent of roasted beans. M gave up the tea first, able to just enjoy a nice Nalgene full of water in the morning. And then, about a week later, success! I, too, joined the world of the non-addicted. I felt great. I slept better, I was actually more alert, and I never crashed in the afternoon. But, like an addict, I still missed the taste and the smell of my sweet love.

At the end of March and the beginning of April, my work life exploded. I had to put in really long, weird hours and then get up early in the morning to do it all over again. M even took over the cooking (which, if you know me, you’ll understand how hard that was). And thus, I decided to use up the rest of the coffee in the freezer. I made one small cup each morning and it gave me just the boost I needed to work all day. Or so I thought.

Three days ago, I started to feel the addiction. I wasn’t sleeping through the night. I was crashing in the afternoon. I felt like I needed more coffee. So I decided I’m done. I can’t go back to being addicted. I absolutely hate needing caffeine to function. It feels limiting. You have to worry about coffee when you travel or when you have an early meeting. I had no coffee yesterday and I’m having a small cup of tea today. I know this week will be hard, but by the end, I will once again being caffeine-free.